Schwartz chimes in to ring out the old

 By Al Schwartz | Bass Lake Poet Laureate

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Al Schwartz. (Sarasota Police Department)

In this season of endings and beginnings, givings and acceptings, jingle bell jinglings and champagne glass tinklings, it is only natural to cast ones eyes backwards to the past and then watch oneself zip past in the other direction thanks to the elasticity of the optic nerve.

And so it is that with the passage of months of the calendar memories build up like unclassifiable mail on the desk of life. One surefire way to clear the clutter is to type some of it out in the form of a poem, as I am wont to do. So here it goes – Al Schwartz’s 12 Days of Retrospection.

(To the tune of 12 Days of Christmas)
On the first day of retrospection
Jimbo Larson (stay-at-home uncle of six) sent to remainder stores
A memoir he called “Eaves of Grass”

On the second day of retrospection
The late Smiley “Smiley”Tackett sent to the death pool
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the third day of retrospection
Flip Alabama sent to Bass Lake University administrators
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the fourth day of retrospection
Norwegian Wood Burner sent to the trophy case
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the fifth day of retrospection
Gwen “Tug” McNabb sent to Enos Felger
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the sixth day of retrospection
Local Cover Band sent to Funky’s on the Bayou
Six stolen band vans
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the seventh day of retrospection
Emilee Van Dickinson sent to the Town Council
Seven Poetry in the Park proposals
Six stolen band vans
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the eighth day of retrospection
High winds sent to Jolly’s Morgue and Donuts
Eight thawing corpses
Seven Poetry in the Park proposals
Six stolen band vans
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the ninth day of retrospection
Leo’s Wheelbarrow Rental sent to pasture
Nine wheelbarrows
Eight thawing corpses
Seven Poetry in the Park proposals
Six stolen band vans
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the tenth day of retrospection
The Bass Lake Town Council sent to the people of Bass Lake
Ten Schweizer 269C-1 helicopters
Nine wheelbarrows
Eight thawing corpses
Seven Poetry in the Park proposals
Six stolen band vans
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the eleventh day of retrospection
Cottage Cheese Emporium sent to the discount shelf
Eleven pounds of smoked cottage cheese
Ten Schweizer 269C-1 helicopters
Nine wheelbarrows
Eight thawing corpses
Seven Poetry in the Park proposals
Six stolen band vans
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass”

On the twelfth day of retrospection
The Bass Lake Public/Private Library sent to public/private members
Twelve books of chili recipes
Eleven pounds of smoked cottage cheese
Ten Schweizer 269C-1 helicopters
Nine wheelbarrows
Eight thawing corpses
Seven Poetry in the Park proposals
Six stolen band vans
Five jolts from Stun Gun
Four gold medals
Three resignations
Two first names
and Jimbo Larson’s “Eaves of Grass.”

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