Power outage forces mass burial: carry-in lunch plans scuttled

By A Finn Moss *Beacon Correspondent 

A power outage at Jolly’s Morgue and Donuts forced Jim “Jolly” Jimmerschmidt to take quick action on Thursday afternoon.

With nearly six not-so-recently deceased bodies stacked in his morgue’s freezer drawers, Jimmerschmidt bypassed traditional funeral etiquette and tossed the stiffs into a pit behind his Dumpster.

Jimmerschmidt said the quickly thawing corpses were beginning to seep dangerously close to his donut-making supplies.

“What the hell was I supposed to do?” he said while tossing lime on his former charges. “The weekend is coming and I just got a new batch of jelly filling. I needed the space. And the smell was awful. Have you ever smelled rotting flesh? Not good. Not good at all. No one wants creepy crullers.”

High winds Wednesday night and early Thursday  have been blamed for the power outage that cut electricity to a handful of Bass Lake residences and business. Power was restored within minutes.

While officials, including Mayor Delores Denominator and Police Authority Chief Gwen “Tug” McNabb, try to figure out if a crime has been committed, many in the community are confused and dismayed by Jimmerschmidt’s actions. Some are even visibly upset. With the recent thawing of the lake and the repair of the Bass Lake Cemetery backhoe several high-profile burials were planned for the weekend.

“I don’t know what to think,” said a relative of one of those evicted. “I have all these casseroles for the carry-in. Maybe Jolly can store them now that he has the room in his freezer.”

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