From copy-and-paste reports

Bass Lake Beacon notable quotables, June 2015:

“I thought I was brought on-board to convert English to Chinese, not the other way ‘round, mate.”
— Sidney Canberra, interpreter

“You can’t survive just fixing sinks. Multitasking is a must. Did we mention it’s to benefit our town’s youth?”
—  Dick, Rick, Jack, Zak, Steve, Jake, Carol, Cody, Susan, Peter, Paul and Mary Plummer, co-owners, 12 Plummers Plumbing

“I did it. I found the stage.”
— Ann Yuerism, three-time senior, Bass Lake High School class of ’15/’14/’13

“I’ve heard a lot about some of them TV shows like ‘Seinfelt’ and ‘Gilligant’s Island.'”
— Ray Dioczak, Bass Lake

“There’s nothing like a little ‘Theatre of Pain’ to get your juices flowing.”
— Kenny Grimes, nighttime roofer (and daytime lover)

“One of these days, everything will be old and crumbly enough to attract the attention of someone.”
— Justine Timely, vice president, Timely Concrete Sidewalks

“I’ve seen these so-called art shows. Thanks, but no thanks, thank you very much.”
— M. Adam Bradbury, Bass Lake Town Council (R-Bass Lake, PhD history)