Quotes-of-the-Month of the Year, 2016

Notable quotable and comments in the Bass Lake Beacon area, 2016.

"Happy new year!" he lied. (Aerial photography)
“Happy new year!” he lied. (Aerial photography)

Those rodents would gnaw on a Clem Bricksten’s wooden leg, even if he never washed it, which he doesn’t. But don’t quote me on that.”
— M. I. Angola, struggling Bass Lake author

“It’s a community gathering and fun for the whole family. Food would be part of the festivities. And … and fun, too, did I mention that?”
— Emilee Van Dickinson, local resident/artist-in-residence

“I’m not at liberty to speculate, my attorney said in a statement.”
—T. Kevin Garling, attorney

“We lost by 21 points. You won’t win many games with stats like that.”
— Zeb Dreppelin, head football coach, Bass Lake High School

“Ned was yelling something about the ‘right to plow’ contract he said he signed.”
— Brittney Cleveland, local resident

“When you deduct, round up. When you count your winnings, don’t count them. It’s all very simple.”
Ned Levelcut, tax expert, from seminar “Nothing from Nothing: How to Conceal Your Income and Pay What You Deserve”

Johnny Wen, Beijing Bait & Tackle/Floral Shop, Bass Lake

“Basically, we’re going to tell employees there is no bonus plan.”
— Simon Greenless, president, Bass Lake School Board of Education

“You know what channel should be illegal? The one next to Funky’s on the Bayou.
— Carolyn Shee, now former/then current Bass Lake mayor

“I’m officially astonished.”
— Flip “Flap” Jackson, pancake chef, 102nd nearly-annual Pancake Extravaganza

“Shut up and quit asking me things.”
— Greg “Funky” Gregory, owner, Funky’s on the Bayou

“I try to teach kids this mantra: ‘Mental health first; environment second; family third … with art a distant fourth, just ahead of God.’”
Wonkie Scrimpton, longtime school nurse, Bass Lake Elementary

“Go figure.”
— Park Zagel, head coach, Bass Lake University men’s/boys’ basketball team

“R-E-S-P-C-T-E! Dammit, did I spell that wrong again?”
— Bot Hezley, assistant principal, Bass Lake Elementary

“Hey, McCall, are you gonna tell some jokes?!”
— Vryce Tatum, heckling-arts intern, Bass Lake High School

Closest we came to talking was one time in the rest room … I nodded in his general direction, he sneezed, then out the door he went.”
— Enos Felger (D-Dave’s House)

“Oh … that!”
— Shirley Sparkle, former multi-time champion, Bass Lake youth fishing contest

“That was a tragedy. But her jam was top-notch. Most of it, anyways.”
— Pheetus Gimble, spokesfarmer

“The goal here at Regional Corporate Hospital is to establish a list of priorities about what not to do, and whatnot.”
— Margo DeLathridge, media liaison and pre-RN/LPN, Regional Corporate Hospital

“It may be here, it may be there — it may not happen anywhere.”
— Elliott Chamberton, president, Bass Lake University

“I’m sorry, but that’s just stupid.”
— Hacienda Manceto, parent of a Bass Lake student

“The field may be in better condition than our student-athletes.”
— Lonnie Sugarmort, groundskeeper, Bass Lake High School

“I think I speak for all of us. I really do.”
— Carolyn Shee, former assumed mayor of Bass Lake

“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times.”
— Zeb Dreppelin, head football coach, Bass Lake High School

“So it’s kind of like out of the hands of babes to the hands of other babes, I guess.”
— Tug McNabb, reinstated chief of police

“That fat cop took me to that chicken store uptown. I ended up with a metal funnel.”
 — Little Kenny Needsmore, 9

“I’m reminded of the ‘Gilligan’s Island’ episode where Gilligan becomes president of the island. Funny.”
— Forrest Bunkard, mayor of Bass Lake

“The whole thing was a waste of time.”
— Olden A. Goodway, clerk/treasurer, Town of Bass Lake

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