By Jillian Fontaine | Middle school student, with emphasis in new media

Bass Lake Town Council on Monday denied a request to issue a permit to allow a new festival to get underway in Bass Lake.

Local resident Emilee Van Dickinson approached the board Monday to present a plan for a food- and family-based community celebration, tentatively titled “Family, Food & Fun Near the Lake!”

Van Dickinson told council members that the event could take place during a 3-hour slot, maybe in July or August, at Newlee-Tydald Park.

“It’s a community gathering and fun for the whole family,” said Van Dickinson, visibly nervous as she addressed the panel. “Food would be part of the festivities. And … and fun, too, did I mention that?”

After a 3 minute, 45 second discussion, board members said they appreciate that the proposal is “not centered on art or loud music,” but believe another local festival “smacks of skewed priorities,” they wrote in a 9-page opinion, released late Tuesday.

Council member M. Adam Bradbury, R-Bass Lake/PhD history, summarized the matter as eloquently as possible.

“I certainly support all efforts to an adjoining activity among our citizenry,”  Bradbury said. “At this time, however, approval of this endeavor would be fiscally fruity-tutti.”

Reggie Jones (I-Out-on-the-Highway) said the exclamation point in the proposed event title “is a bit much.”

After that, Jones said nothing.

It’s the third time in as many tries that Van Dickinson has been denied a request to kick-start a new festival.

“I betcha that’s gotta be some kind of record,” said Bass Lake Authority Police bicycle officer Tug McNabb, with a slight laugh, after hearing of the news. “It’s just gotta.”

When asked for comment, Van Dickinson, 35, burst into tears.

“It’s not fair!” she wimpered, sounding like a post-millennial, non-fictional female version of Burgess Meredith, sans pop-bottle spectacles and a nuclear armageddon sub-theme.

Forrest Bunkard provided a pop-cultural reference to conclude this report.