Notable quotable from the Beacon area, April 2016:

“Shut up and quit asking me things.”
— Greg “Funky” Gregory, owner, Funky’s on the Bayou

“Of the 45 graduates, nearly 24 of them took less than six years to earn the required credits. That’s a record, at least as far as we know.”
— Elliott Chamberton, president, Bass Lake University

“We’ll have to consult the DSM first — if anyone even uses that anymore.”
— Wonkie Scrimpton, longtime school nurse, Bass Lake Elementary School

“R-E-S-P-C-T-E! Dammit, did I spell that wrong again?”
— Bot Hezley, assistant principal, Bass Lake Elementary

“Is Trout Lane on the list? No!”
— Cooper Sanderstroms, owner, Cooper’s Coops and Chicken Accessories on Trout Lane

“Hell, Al’s an atheist. Get over it!” (exclamation point is Beacon emphasis)
— Olden A. Goodway, clerk, Town of Bass Lake, Michiana