Death notice of the month: Delores Denominator

Delores C. Denominator
42, Bass Lake

flower helicopter2
An inappropriate floral arrangement, even by standards of the harshest critic. (Accidentally published inside-joke)

Delores C. Denominator, 42, former mayor-by-default of Bass Lake, died unexpectedly Thursday.

Relatives suggested the deceased had been despondent since her withdraw from public life following HelicopterGate. A family doctor could not verify if those factors contributed to her unplanned demise, but has assured the Beacon he is “looking at (her) medical files as we speak.”

Ms. Denominator was born May 1, 1963, in Bass Lake, a daughter of Hugh and Mary (Numerator) Schmith. Her interest in politics began at a young age, when she learned from her parents how to despise George McGovern, if not specifically, at least “in the grand scheme of things.”

Her fascination with political science (our italics) blossomed. In 1982, she was elected both president and vice president of Bass Lake High School’s class of 1982. After various positions on political campaigns and GOP fundraising, she ran for Bass Lake Town Council in 1986 and won the seat. Although she finished second in the vote tally, she earned the position after then-incumbent Dorf Lowery was found dead immediately after the polls close.

Delores was voted off the board in 1990, then re-elected in 1994 in a landslide, with no opposing candidate on the ballot.

Eventually, she was “chosen” (Beacon’s quotes) by default to serve as mayor of Bass Lake, a “crowning achievement, if ever there was one,” she told a close friend, as a reporter stood nearby.

On June 15, 1985, she married Mr. Denominator in Michianapolis. They honeymooned immediately afterward.

Her hobbies included politics, community service, occasional lunchtime joyrides and flower gardening (indoors only).

Survivors include her husband; a son, Reagan; a daughter, Dee, and son-in-law, Dee’s husband; three grandchildren; one great-grandchild; even fewer great-great grandchildren; and several others, both living and dead.

She was preceded in death by her parents; a sister (name withheld); and George McGovern.

Visitation is 10 a.m.-noon and 12:01-1:45 p.m. Friday at St. Methodist Catholic Church. A funeral service will take place at 1 p.m. Saturday at Bass Lake Town Hall, by invitation only. A private burial will follow at an undisclosed location, by invitation only.

In lieu of flowers, flowers will be accepted. Memorial donations? Even better, according to her will.

Regional Funeral Hut in Nearbytown has been entrusted with arrangements, and still is entrusted.

Max Fontaine contributed to this obituary, unbeknownst to the family.

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