From summer-staff reports
Here’s a look at the partial tentative parade lineup for Bass Lake Pre-Mid-Summer Festival Week Days, which opens tonight. To see the complete parade lineup, visit the festival committee’s website.
Parade start time is 12:45 p.m. Saturday, “if plans go as planned,” according to planners.
In case of extreme inclement weather, parade will be held in a parallel universe near the equator.
Watch the Beacon for additional festival events.
Anyway, here’s the lineup:
Baton-twirler/banner carrying duo
Color guard (sponsored by Tide)
Fire trucks demonstrating noise-ordinance-defying sirens
Float: Beijing Bait and Tackle
Chief of police in limousine (sans chief)
Local political representatives, featuring Mayor Guy Soundguy (appearance pending)
Resident of the Year: TBA
Salute to Industry
Salute to Artistry (parade entry rejected)
School mascot: Bass Lake High School Canoes
Stilt-Clown Posse
Candy-launching mobile cannon (sponsored by Local Dentists Union #45/Chocolatiers Local 3.1)
Omelet-toss, courtesy Grumpy’s Friendly Diner
Shriners mid-parade demolition derby
John Deere Model A, pulled by team of horses
Bass Lake High School stage-band marchers
Float: Regional Corporate Hospital admissions department
Bass Lake Car Collectors: Ford Model-T (if available); ’38 Bentley (green in color); ’57 Chevy; ’65 Mustang; ’72 Charger; Volkswagen Microbus (year and condition unknown), ’81 Bonneville, for whatever reason; mid-‘90s Corolla (375,000 miles); 2007 Town & Country with stow-and-go capability (and drink-holders).
Gender-Neutral Scouts of America
Float: Bass Lake University untenured professors
Marching band from rival community
The Cheese Truck!
Float: Bass Lake Meeting Club
Bass Lake Elementary kitchen staff
Guy dressed as Ferris Bueller
Bass Lake Beacon 
The ’38 Bentley mentioned wouldn’t likely be in a parade near or far from Bass Lake, as it has to be driven on the left side of the road and would not be seen near a cheese truck or far from an auction block if sighted near a salt truck.
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