Via archival scribbling

Bass Lake Beacon notable quotables, May 2015:

“Just keep an eye on local death notices for inventory updates. Your mother will thank you for it someday.”
— Davy “Digger” Jones, director, Bass Lake Cemetery and Frisbee Golf Center

“It’s Derby Day!” Let’s rock!”
—Kurt Response, frontman, Local Cover Band Jr.

“Well, some of it, I give to charity. Charity’s my sister-in-law.”
— Robert Furrow, a farmer near Out-on-the-Highway Road

“That thing would have ousted me from my home. Whose lame idea was this anyway?”
— Betty Crocker (no relation), Bass Lake Town Council

“It’s the best tip I’ve gotten. Percentage-wise.”
— Rhiannon Lewis-Pasture, 26

“That inning was his worst outing.”
— Anthony Manager, head baseball coach, Bass Lake High School

“I don’t understand the question.”
—Bill “Shaggy” Billingsbund, satisfied client, Hair We Go

“Probably as an act of intimidation.”
— The the police