Scrubfest devolves into messy Derby bash

By A. Finn Moss | Beacon party analyst 

A photo taken at Scrubfest pretty much captures the success of the event. (A. Finn Moss)

As the poet once said, “Even the best intentions get lost in the cyclone of unintended consequences.”

Such was the case at the second annual Scrubfest at the Bass Lake Inn/Convenience Store.

Proprietor Clem Brickston had a simple enough goal in mind: To invite some trusted and well-regarded domesticians to his establishment to help him clean the place up ahead of his mother’s visit next Sunday.

Brickston had everything he needed. He had several brooms and some of those green scrubby things. He had various half-full bottles of banned cleaning substances. He even had a window cleaning expert who could play the piano.

Councilwoman Betty Crocker (No Relation) was there with her custom toilet brush and a batch of some baked goods. Gabby Rolfson brought along a sheaf of sheet music and a special vinegar and water solution for the windows. Even M. I. Angola stopped by to lob insults and polish off Brickston’s beer stash.

But then Brickston got more. Much more. And also much less.

“We were rolling along nicely,” Brickston said. “By noon we had the whole back kitchen area clean as a whistle. We took a break for pre-season bluegill dippers and some ice cold sassafrass root beer. Gabby was tinkling the ivories and Betty had some of her special things.”

And that smell near the pizza freezer? Turned out is wasn’t a dead chipmunk as Brickston had suspected. It was some forgotten steamed broccoli water left on the cooktop.

Then the afternoon’s entertainment rolled in. Local Cover Band Jr. are a relatively untested and unrehearsed outfit that specializes in covering the songs covered by Local Cover Band, Bass Lake’s most enduring local cover band.

Local Cover Band Jr., which comprises “a bunch of nobody rip-off clowns,” according to an anonymous source, dumped their equipment on the deck and began drinking heavily.

“It’s Derby Day!” shouted LCB Jr. frontman, Kurt Response, hoisting a mint julep. “Let’s rock!”

Someone grabbed an extension cord and hooked up a small battery-powered television to watch the race. Brickston, not wanting to seem like a party pooper, had a mint julep, and then another and another. Crocker and Rolfson joined in as well.

By post-time, the Scrubfest advances made in the morning had been all but obliterated. Local Cover Band Jr. made one attempt at a song before Response tossed his guitar through one of Gabby Rolfson’s freshly cleaned windows.

Angola remained somewhat calm, putting out small fires he had started as he stumbled around the property.

Concerned neighbors called Bass Lake Authority Police shortly before midnight in hopes of calming the scene. At 8 a.m. Sunday morning, bicycle-patrol officer Tug McNabb’s mountain prowler was still at the scene.

No one from Scrubfest was available for comment.

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