By Max Fontaine | He wrote this
In a stunning move, Bass Lake Town Council Voted Monday night to pull the plug on a proposed bottle cap gasket factory.
The factory, part of massive development plan undertaken by Beijing, Bass Lake’s sister city, would have dominated the East side of Bass Lake. With its 450,000 square foot footprint, the factory would have eaten up all of Gerald Fjord and forced relocation of 45 percent of the cottages near the public access site.
And it was the size that mattered. Especially to council member Betty Crocker (No relation). It was Crocker’s vote against the plan that tipped the scales against the plan.
“That thing would have ousted me from my home,” Crocker said. “Whose lame idea was this anyway?”
Prior to her decision, the council was deadlocked 3-3, with three voting for and three not sure if they were at the right meeting.
China’s People’s Public Relations Force, Sister City Division, that’s whose. The denial marks a huge setback in relations between Bass Lake and Beijing and could affect future collaborations.
Bass Lake Authority Police chief Chiou Yueh acted as interpreter for the Beijing representatives who attended the meeting via Skype.
“They’re mad as wet pandas,” Yueh said at one point in the meeting. “This may mark a huge setback in relations between Bass Lake and Beijing. They just might pull me outta here.”
Mayor Guy Soundguy was expected to make a surprise appearance at the meeting, but texted that he was having trouble with an amplifier and could not make it. His position on the bottle cap gasket factory remains a mystery.
Council members M. Adam Bradbury (R-Bass Lake) and Enos Felger (D-Dave’s house) were on opposite sides of the fence on the issue. Where the fence came from is unclear, but it forced the two zoning wizards to jump up and down to talk to each other.
Felger and Bradbury cited arcane master plan provisions at each other while in mid-jump.
Acting sergeant-at-arms Gwen ‘Tug” McNabb was eventually called upon to remove the fence. He objected at first fearing another arrest for losing department property but eventually gave in after chief Yueh promised to leave him alone.
Once the fence was gone, citizens in attendance began lobbing Vidalia onions at council members who supported the factory. The onion barrage eventually worked and all members wound up voting no.
Acting on orders from Beijing, chief Yueh stomped out of the room.
By the time the meeting adjourned, the council chamber smelled like a Georgia truck farm and several council members vowed to resign.
There was no new business.