From Beacon back-up DVDs

Bass Lake Beacon notable quotables, April 2015:

“Sure, my house is in foreclosure, they towed my car from the bar parking lot then sold it at auction, I lost my job and my wife left me. But it’s all worth it to keep our highways drunk-free.”
— Brig Stratton, participant, New Year’s Eve “Free Ride Home” service

“We’ve got five members who are neck-and-neck for the Meeting Attender of the Year Award. I’m not going to name names, but those five know who they are and they know that the tally continues up to the day of the luncheon and includes the luncheon itself.”
— Doogan McWhittle, president, Bass Lake Meeting Club 

“It was probably faulty wiring. It almost always is.”
— Tug McNabb, ex-chief of police

“I sometimes say it all day.”
— Pete “Outboard Motor” Griffith, steering committee member

“Always make sure to stretch out before you walk, run or donate blood. Always.”
— Dr. Simon LaLayne, fitness-expert doctor, Regional Corporate Hospital

“Wanna buy some bee moths? Three for a buck.”
— Johnny Wen, proprietor, Beijing Bait & Tackle

“Basketball indoors? That’s just nonsense.”
— Helen Sanderstroms, director of athletics, Bass Lake University

“It went from constructive to ‘WTF’ in less time than it would take a world-class runner to traverse 5,000 meters.”
— Gilbert Braxton, probable salutatorian and statistician for BL High’s boys’ track team

“Where’s it going to stop? I’m vaguely disillusioned.”
— Jorge Valasquez, Bass Lake resident

“We just love these days in spring when we get to flood roadways and front yards with hydrant flush.”
— Thor Moscowitz, group leader, Bass Lake Utilities and Garbage Collection