President Biography Contest Entrants Seek to set the Record Straight

By A. Finn Moss | Former fifth grader

Every year at this time the ghost of Elmer Sgluebottle emerges from the shadows of history to guide Bass Lake Elementary school fifth-graders in their quest to make the past come alive.

This year at this time is no exception. Sgluebottle, (aka Scluebottle, Schluebottle, and Gluestick) known to friends as “Elmer,” had an obsession with Presidents of the United States, past, present, and nearly. Now in its 36th year, the 33rd Annual Bass Lake Beacon Presidential Biography Contest plus 3, hopes to continue that tradition with a slew of 45-word biographies from the members of the Bass Lake High School class of 2028 or so.

So on this President’s Day 2021, off we go.

Woodrow Wilson, by Coletta Ergo-Sum 

Woodrow Wilson

Woodrow Wilson was our 28th president. A big war broke out during his term, but he didn’t notice until it was almost over. He was co-founder of The League of Nations, a Negro baseball collective. He taught kindergarten at Princeton. He died after Harding did.

William Henry Harrison by Timmy “Stretch” Jimmerschmidt

William Henry Harrison

William Henry Harrison was the shortest president in the history of western civilization. He was number nine and died 31 days after he was named president. He had a cold that was pretty bad because it lasted 31 days. He might have been pretty good.

Joseph R. Biden by Claire de Lune

Joseph R. Biden

It was just several weeks ago that Joseph R. Biden became the 46th President of the United States. His oath was on January 20, 2021. He tried many times to take the oath but never did. He brought dogs back to the White House. Yay!

Ulysses S. Grant by Mary Richards

Ulysses S. Grant

Of all the presidents we have had, Ulysses S. Grant was the favorite of Mark Twain, whose real name was Samuel Clemens. Grant, 18th, got to be good friends with Twain right before he, Grant, died. Grant won the Civil War and wrote an autobiography.

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