Snow-removal crew announces shutdown

By Max Fontaine | Occasional meteorological reporter

This is what snow looks like. (Pile photo)

In the interest of worker safety (and partly from selfishness), Bass Lake Street Maintenance Department has declared a four-day shutdown, effective immediately.

Sallie-Ann Margret, spokeswoman for the town agency, confirmed the decision about 45 minutes ago.

“There’s an avalanche of snow on its way,” Margret said. “Hell if our guys are going out in that mess.”

During the holdout, snow plows will be out-of-service in Bass Lake. In the interim, Margret requests that all residents move their automobiles, campers and motorcycles from the street.

“It’s just common courtesy,” she said. “Out of sight, out of my mind, as they say.”

In related news, Mayor Forrest Bunkard has reinstated Joe Sycophant as Bass Lake’s snow-removal manager, following an 11.5-month layoff.

Bunkard said his decision to truncate Sycophant’s layoff period came after recent soul-searching, and admitted his initial move may have been “knee-jerk,” at best.

“Would The Beatles dare to boot Pete Best? Could Jon Anderson be replaced without warning? All signs point to ‘No,’” Bunkard said. “Oh wait, that stuff actually happened. Sorry, bad examples.”

Sycophant’s first order of business is to not report for work until 8 a.m. Monday, Bunkard said.

“Why should we spend more public funds than we already haven’t?” he said, interrogatively.

According to Michiana Regional Weather Service, forecast for Friday and early Saturday includes flurries, squalls, snow showers, wintry-mixes and white stuff.  Accumulation between 3 and 22 inches is expected.

Additional Beacon contributors failed to contribute to this report.

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