Beacon, health club launch ‘Get Fat Challenge’

By Abbie Normal | health reporter/medical examiner

Finally, a contest for the high-metablostically challenged. (Not drawn to scale)
At long last, a contest for the high-metabolistically challenged. (Not drawn to scale)

For local residents whose resolution is to put on a few pounds in 2016, Bass Lake Beacon and Gymmie-Jam Health Club are co-hosting the inaugural “Get Fat Challenge.”

Contest period opens with weigh-in at 8 a.m. Jan. 12, and continues through early March.

Entry fee is $45. Prizes will be awarded to the top-percentage weight gain in men’s and women’s categories, as well as other prizes.

Several residents already have registered for the contest. At least one is excited about the opportunity, and appears motivated to perform well.

“All my life, I’ve been called ‘beanpole’ and ‘twig-boy” and other uncreative nicknames, and frankly, I’m sick of it,” said Len A. Literation, 33 (149 pounds).
“I’m participating to put the portlies in their place and provide proper perspective.”

Participants receive free vouchers to several area restaurants, including an
all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet at Grumpy’s Friendly Diner and the trans-fat happy meal at Supersize Emporium.

“Get Fat” competitors also may request a personal “gorge trainer” for a nominal fee. Jobar Bell, head gainer-analyst at Gymmie-Jam, is among those available for purchase.

“Underweight people find it hard to avoid burning too many calories,” Bell said. “We’ll work with people to develop an ‘indulgence diet’ and instruct them how to lounge around a hell of a lot more.”

The winning non-losers will be announced in a couple of months.

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