By Clara Glendale | Beacon religion reporter 

Citing poor gas mileage in the Popemobile, His Holiness Pope Francis has called off his scheduled yet unannounced visit to Bass Lake.

The Pope (Catholic-Rome) was to make an appearance at Jolly’s Morgue & Donut to bless the corpses awaiting burial and then hold a mock communion using glazed donuts and day-old coffee.

The event was supposed to happen in conjunction with the annual fall hydrant flushing and the inaugural Pope Week, hosted by Third Street Catholic or Any Denomination Church. Father William Thirdstreet III said Pope Week will go on as planned. In lieu of Pope, Tug McNabb will ride his bicycle in the Pope Parade while wearing a paper Pope Francis mask.

“We got all these robes and hats,” Father Thirdstreet said. “I’m disappointed, but I understand. That Popemobile has atrocious aerodynamics. Maybe next year.”

Calls to the Pope’s scheduling office were not returned. We did receive some Holy See church offering envelopes signed by His Holiness himself. They will be available at Third Street Catholic or Any Denomination Church through the end of Pope Week, whenever that is.