The BLAP Beat is taken from the Bass Lake Authority Police dispatch log. 

Bass Lake Authority Police received a call from a person claiming to have seen a full-grown baby flopping inside a 45-gallon aquarium late Monday night. The caller told dispatch he was standing in some bushes next to a home in the 12.5 block of Spring Peeper Lane when he observed what appeared to be an infant of considerable size splashing about with some fish. The officer sent to investigate found the caller wedged between an overgrown yew and the front picture window, with his face pressed to the glass. The officer joined the caller in observing. The officer reported seeing a large aquatic fish, possibly a “channel cat” struggling in a nearly empty aquarium. The officer knocked on the door to question the homeowner about the fish and the possible infant. The homeowner claimed to not know what the officer was talking about, then assaulted the officer with what turned out to be a large lake catfish. The officer, recovering from the assault, searched the grounds for someone to arrest, but the homeowner and the caller had both fled. The officer took the catfish home and cooked it. No baby was found.