By A. Finn Moss | Beacon Leaf Reporter
Despite lousy weather and an early blast from Old Man Winter, Bass Lake leaf recovery crews have suspended the annual leaf collection citing bad weather and a start-date misstep.
In a report to the town council, on a night earlier this month, leaf crews pointed their rakes and vacuum tubes, in accusatory fashion, at the weather, an error in the published leaf pickup date, and the trees themselves.
“We got off on the wrong foot,” said crew chief Russel Enfall. “First, the dates were all screwed up in the town paper. Then the trees grew way more leaves than last year. The nail in the leaf pile, so to speak, was the freaking snow. Hell, we can’t even see the leaves now.”
The leaf pickup, which began in mid-October and runs through mid-December, began in mid-October and runs through mid-December.
After some razzing from council member Betty Crocker (No Relation), Enfall agreed that the weather is no excuse and that there were no more leaves than last year.
“And the paper screws stuff up all the time,” Crocker said. “Everyone knew when the leaf pickup started. Just do your job and pick up the leaves.”
Enfall countered that the town leaf collection equipment is sub-par.
“Most of our rakes look like smiling meth heads,” Enfall said. “Our tine-replacement stock is at an all-time low. Put simply, we’re running out of tine.”
Knowing chuckles arose from certain quadrants of town hall and drifted into crunchy brown piles as Enfall took his leave.
Enfall expects the leaf collection to continue indefinitely, he said.
Bass Lake Beacon 
I don’t believe running out of tines is a laughing matter. I also believe that trees grow every year, so there are, potentially, MORE leaves each year, assuming there are the same number of trees as last year. This should be addressed each year that there are more or less trees and leaves than the previous or following year(s). I suggest that the tine-replacement crews be augmented with more tines, more crews and/or more or less leaves next year.
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Clearly you have no knowledge of trees or the leaves that grow on them. We don’t either. However, let us quote from “Edna’s Big Book of Trees, Third Edition:” Most of the common deciduous trees found in North America (America) lose and gain branches and leaves year by year. High winds, lumberjacks and lumberjills, beaver, squirrels, shotgun blasts, ice storms, landscapers, insurance commercials, death of neighbor trees, drought, rain, etc., contribute to the annual gain and loss of branches and leaves.
As for the end tines, please direct you comments to Russel Enfall, of the Bass Lake Leaf Collection Crew c/o Basslakebeacon@gmail.com Attn: Russel Enfall.
And thank you for reading and for your comments. Keep them coming. We need all the reassurance we can get.
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