By Englebert Hyperlink | Beacon Tech Wizard

Q: Why does my screen go black from time to time? Like when I go off to get a cup of coffee or switch the laundry and I come back and my screen is dark. I have a 2008 Enque laptop running Windows 7 or 6 or something. Thanks! – C. Drive

A: Clearly, C. Drive, if that is your real name, you are sub-human. Only an utter degenerate would still be trying to suck life out of a six-year-old machine. In the first place, Enques were sold largely to bottom feeders such as yourself. The components were made from corn starch. You have no business using precious bandwidth even asking for my help.

But ask you did, so here is my advice: Take your Enque, “running Windows 7 or 6 or something,” and bludgeon your feeble parents with it. They are to blame for bringing a waste of space such as yourself into this world. Then go back to using crayons and wide-rule paper.

Whenever he feels like it, Beacon technology guru Englebert Hyperlink answers challenging tech questions from Beacon readers.