Max Fontaine * Hard Beat News or Hard News Beat

No bones about it,  strange things are going on in Bass Lake. Mixed in with the thousands and thousand of pounds of sticks and twigs during this year’s annual Uptown annual spring cleanup of the Uptown Bass Lake-Uptown region, which includes all areas designated “Uptown,” were several bones of unknown species.

The bones were discovered in a batch of sticks and twigs from the west side of  Uptown. Authorities were contacted.  Bass Lake Police Authority Chief Gwen “Tug” McNabb refused to speculate on the origins of the bones though he did take a wild guess.

“Well, I’m no expert,” McNabb said, “but if I were a betting man, and some would say I am not, I’d wager the bones came from some type of animal that had been living in the general vicinity of this location before it died.”

McNabb added that the bones were “bone in color.”

Following the gruesome task of separating the bones from the pile of sticks, they, the bones, were sent off to Bass Lake University’s county-famous forensics lab for analysis. Lead analyst Dr. Ulna  Femurski, Ph.D, FFMA, LAMO, said pinpointing origin of the species could take several hours.

“This isn’t television,” she said. “And we don’t do commercial breaks.”

Meanwhile. the investigation of just how the bones came to rest in an Uptown twig pile remains a mystery. Stick-and-twig pick-up director James Logwood said the community should get in on the action.

“Any one with information about the bones and their former whereabouts should call a neighbor to start the rumor mill rolling,” Logwood said.