By Laurel and Marty Princeworth | Beacon contributors

Ingredients:

• Ham (largest available before store closes)
• 2 cups brown sugar (for glaze)
• “Brown Sugar” by The Rolling Stones (for background music)
• Canned corn (to taste)
• Carrot cake (recipe forthcoming)
• Deviled eggs (plate of)
• Green-bean-and-ham casserole (ask someone else to bring)

Instructions: Preheat oven at a pre-set temperature. Insert ham on oven-safe holder. Bake until hot. Remove. Stir brown sugar into mustard mixture (mixture consists of bowl of mustard – not include with ingredients list). Brush glaze onto outside of ham. Prepare side dishes. After ham cools, slice it unevenly with dull knife.

Serves: Whoever happens to show up.