By A. Finn Moss | Hates this beat

Well, here we go again. It’s that time of year when aspiring students and perspiring teachers team up to give Bass Lake Beacon readers (most of whom are near to expiring) mercifully short biographies of our great nation’s leaders, or our nation’s great leaders, depending on how you count.

As in previous years, the students in Miss Dornblaster’s fifth-grade class each submit a 45-word biography of one of the 46 people who led our country. Three of the bios are chosen at random and printed here.

And so, without further ado, here are 2023’s chosen bios. Enjoy.

Calvin Coolidge
By Equanimo Humongous

Calvin Coolidge, “Silent Cal” to his friends, was the 30th president. He believed in racial equality and women’s suffering, aka the right to vote. He was born on July 4. There was a parade. He invented the “Roaring Twenties” (citation needed).

Dwight D. Eisenhower
By Jennifer Juniper

Dwight Delano Eisenhower is the only one born in Kansas. Ike, his so-called nickname, was a former general. He won World War II for the United States. While he was president, he invented highways. Shortly before his farewell speech, he was diagnosed with military-industrial complex. 

Herbert Hoover
By Karen Bismuth

Herbert Hoover was 31. He and his policies caused many Americans to get depression in the 1930s. He was a Quaker which I learned so was Richard Nixon, who was 37. Hoover and his family had lots of fun times.

From the Bass Lake Beacon archive: President bios 2021