By Steph Reports|Beacon staff reporter
It’s that time of year again. The scent of burning leaves fills the air and school children race from door to door clutching order sheets for popcorn, microwavable sandwiches, and greeting cards.
That’s right. It’s fundraising season.
It’s a scene that has replayed every year since the beginning of time. But this year is not like previous years. This year, a new fundraiser guru has come to town.
“We’re not going to bother with the usual stuff,” said Jack Miround, the newly hired head of Coffer Enhancement for Bass Lake Elementary School. “I mean seriously, who needs all that crappy food and those overpriced magazines? Not me, that’s for sure.”
Instead of cookie dough and freezer meat, Miround is backing a new concept in school fundraisers: the reverse mortgage.
A reverse mortgage allows an old person to get money now for the home they live in and own, Miround said.
“It’s like getting free cash,” he said. “Who wouldn’t want to buy that?”
“It works like this,” Miround said. “Young Billy or Barbara knocks on the door of an old person, asks them for their autograph and whamo! they agree to get a reverse mortgage and have a portion of their monthly payment deposited directly in the Bass Lake Elementary School bank account. It’s brilliant.”
Miround, who was recently released from a minimum security federal prison, said the new program could raise “tens of hundreds of dollars.”
Miround said the fundraiser is also a way for young people and old people to reconnect in a “lucrative” way.
“We all benefit in the end,” he said. “We really do.”