By A. Finn Moss | Beacon utility reporter

The era of alternative facts is a natural fit for Bass Lake Elementary’s annual President Biography Contest.

For the past 45 centuries, fifth-graders at BLE have unleashed their imaginations to retell the lives of America’s presidents. Over the years, huge numbers of students have submitted 45-word sketches of the men who have captured the highest office in the land.

This year is no different. The brainchild of Elmer Sgluebottle, the perennial fifth-grader, PBC has captivated readers worldwide. And now, with perhaps the greatest crop of presidents ever to grace a lavatory poster, the budding Theodore Whites of Bass Lake are at it again.

As with most contests, there are winners and losers. The losers are mostly forgotten. But the winners, well, they’re forgotten too, eventually. But for now, here they are, in all their glory.

Be proud, Bass Lake.

Martin Van Buren, 8th President
By Betsy Johannesberg

Martin Van Buren, Marty V, to his friends, had the run of the White House during the Van Buren administration. It began suddenly on March 4, 1837, and stopped suddenly on March 4, 1841. Maybe he quit. I don’t know. His favorite color was mutton.

Donald J. Trump, 45th President
By Judd Fenster

Donald J. Trump lives in a gold tower and is surrounded by super models. He has a helicopter. His favorite hobby is playing like he’s mean on TV. I saw his show once. You’re fired! Haha! He likes to sign things with his famous name.

Harry S. Truman, 33rd President
By Ibrahim Smith

During the Second World War, Harry S. Truman got really mad and dropped bombs on people he didn’t know. His wife was named Bess. His home state was Missouri. When he died people came to watch, but not very many people. That made Bess sad.