Notable quotable from the Bass Lake Beacon area,  February 2016.

“What they don’t know can’t help them. When you deduct, round up. When you count your winnings, don’t count them. It’s all very simple.”
— Ned Levelcut, tax expert, from seminar “Nothing from Nothing: How to Conceal Your Income and Pay What You Deserve.”

“We lost by 21 points. You won’t win many games with stats like that.”
— Zeb Dreppelin, boys’ head basketball coach, Bass Lake High School

“She kept that man around for years. I always thought he smelled funny.”
— Estelle, 91-ish, A-E wing

“Jim (sic) was a good man. Good man.”
— Skippy Jensen, lead singer, Local Cover Band

  “Cha-ching!”
— Johnny Wen, Beijing Bait & Tackle/Floral Shop, Bass Lake

“We didn’t want to be dogmatic about that, in keeping with the ‘Vague February’ motto being promoted by weemillennials.com. So much for trying to be all hip and stuff.”
— Yvonne T’Notherchance, Valentine’s Day dance chairwoman

“Hello silence, my old friend.”
— Lemmy Fixit

“Basically, we’re going to tell employees there is no bonus plan.”
— Simon Greeless, president, Bass Lake School Board of Education