Snow idles town

By Glenda Goodwich | Beacon snowstorm reporter

snow removal equipment
A fleet of snow removal equipment sits idle as Bass Lake struggles under the heavy weight of winter’s final blast. (Glenda Goodwich for the Beacon)

 

As snow continues to fall in the greater Bass Lake area, an eerie silence has settled over the town. The source of the silence, according to a statement by a town hall maintenance man, is the absence of the snow plow company hired for occasions such as this.

“You hear that?” asked Lemmy Fixit. “Hello silence, my old friend.”

Fixit said Anthony Snow, owner of Snow’s Snowplow Service, left for a Florida vacation with his family shortly after Groundhog Day. Snow’s was awarded the town snow removal contract in December 2015.

“He just up and left once that rodent saw its shadow,” Fixit said. “He left the keys to his plow, but I ain’t driving that thing.”

Calls to Snow’s business, whose motto is “There’s no removal like Snow removal,” went unanswered.

“He’s removed, all right,” Fixit said.

Snow’s absence has left Bass Lakeans struggling to navigate the town’s clogged streets and sidewalks. Mail delivery has been delayed and several other things aren’t going as planned.

Town Council vice-president Carolyn Shee has declared a state of emergency, despite her lack of authority to do so.

“Well, I’m in a state of emergency,” Shee said. “Isn’t that enough?”

A spokesman for Mayor Guy Soundguy said efforts to find a replacement for Snow have failed.

“I called Ned (of Ned Levelcut Lawn Mower and String Trimmer Repair and Tax Return Preparation and Dock Installation and Removal and Residential Snow Removal Services, LLC.) but he said it’s tax season now so I should leave him alone,” said the mayor’s spokesman, who asked to remain anonymous. “And that guy from Let’s Get Plowed, Enrique, is pulling a double shift at Jolly’s Morgue & Donut. So I guess we’re on our own.”

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