Off-year election spurs little interest

Electioneering
The polls will be open Tuesday from 6 a.m. – 6 p.m. for voting purposes. After 6 p.m. the polls will go back to being a bar and will be open for drinking purposes. (Beacon photo illustration)

By Kristie Staphryder | Beacon democracy reporter

As the 2015 election cycle descends on the shore of Bass Lake, area residents see little to spark their imaginations or participation. Because it is an off-year election, voters may not be too off the mark with their apathy.

Tuesday, voters go to the polls to fill vacancies in a handful of minor posts, among them Bass Lake Town Crier, Community Awareness Advocate and Town Council Agenda Supervisor.

Currently, all three positions are vacant thanks to the unreported murder-suicide which claimed the lives of four of the three officials who held the seats, plus a family pet.

Running unopposed for Town Crier is Helga Schrimkat. Little is known of Schrimkat, a recent transplant to Bass Lake, beyond what her filing application reveals. Schrimkat is a graduate of the University of Michiana where she majored in Public Crying with a minor in Public Shaming. She has held town crier posts in several area municipalities, including Nearbytown, Middle City-State and South Northingville, where she also was assistant to the chief of public shaming. Schrimkat enjoys needlepoint, yodeling and resigning from public office to spend more time with her family.

Challenging Schrimkat is no one.

Candidates for Community Awareness Advocate and Town Council Agenda Supervisor include, in no particular order,  Kathy, Scott, Enrique, Billy, and a different Kathy. Their last names are hard to pronounce so typing them is sort of a waste of time.

The CAA and the TCAS are relatively new positions, part of Mayor Guy Soundguy’s Expanding Local Government initiative. Soundguy, who has not been seen since 1995, said through an interpreter that making local government “more unwieldy and expensive is the most important part of my job.”

Apart from town crier, none of the new jobs come with any salary or duties to speak of. Winners will receive a nameplate and an official door to use when entering and/or exiting Bass Lake Town Hall.  Work on the new door is underway.

“I’m really looking forward to the opportunity to serve the people of Bass Lake,” said one of the Kathys. “Plus that door is going to be awesome.”

There is probably more to say about the election Tuesday, but I don’t feel like putting that much effort into it.

Ken at the Paper watched while this story was being typed up. 

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