Bass Lake University to build domed stadium

By Brock Stafford | Beacon Sports Editor

It will look something like this, but far less large.

Following at least four weeks of discussion, Bass Lake University has approved construction of a domed stadium for Beaver athletic events and high-end entertainment ventures.

Bass Lake University’s Regents approved the measure today. The Regents, Jeff and Linda, reside on Sixth Street.

The new facility is expected to open in fall 2015.

“It may seem like an unrealistic turnaround,” said Bass Lake University president Elliott Chamberton. “But honestly, how long can it take to build an athletic complex?”

The 21st-century structure is slated for construction on an acreage four miles from the BLU campus, out on Out-on-the-Highway Road.

“Our plan is to make it within walking distance for students,” Chamberton said. “We believe this qualifies — they’ll just have to walk more briskly.”

Legendary end-zone seating at Stadium Drive Stadium will fade into history. (Courtesy some player's mother)
Legendary end-zone seating at Stadium Drive Stadium will fade into history. (Courtesy some player’s mother)

The dome will supplant longtime BLU stadium Stadium Drive Stadium, the Beaver’s home field since 1972, on Stadium Drive. Implosion of that structure will begin as soon as the school’s baseball and softball teams are mathematically eliminated from postseason play, which is bound to happen soon, according to former coach Wes Besser.

Longtime fans are excited about the new venue — based on comments from the first short-time fan willing to go on-record.

“Nothing improves a crisp, autumn afternoon better than three hours spent inside an enclosed room,” said Peppy Schlitz, occasional Bass Lake resident.

Students were unavailable for comment. They either were in class or sleeping on somebody’s couch at the time of this report.

BLU officials envision No-name Dome as a hub to enjoy football, baseball/softball, tractor pulls, pickup-truck pulls, monster-truck rallies, fishing/hunting exhibitions, live music and the annual BLU graduation-commencement ceremony.

Helen Sanderstroms, director of athletics at Bass Lake University, was asked if basketball games will be played at the new facility.

“Basketball indoors?” Sanderstroms scoffed. “That’s just nonsense.”

The new stadium also may feature luxury suites, middle-class semi-enclosed rooms and working-class cubby-holes.

Capacity of the dome is estimated at 11,045, up from SDS’s estimated seating capacity of 4,545. The most-recent sell-out at Stadium Drive Stadium occurred on opening day in 1972.

Not to worry, experts said.

“Gate receipts will take care of themselves,” said ex-StubHub employee Brian Ticketmaster. “If they build it, somebody’ll show up.”

A name for the new building has not been established, but a public contest will ensue to determine the least-lame option.

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