The BLAP Beat is taken from the Bass Lake Authority Police dispatch log.
Police were dispatched to a home in the square-root-of-pie block of Higher Math Street at 10:32 p.m. on Tuesday on a report of a threat to the resident. The officer arrived to find the renter and presumed caller absent. While standing on the porch, the BLAP officer discovered a pizza box containing an uneaten pizza, pepperoni in color. According to the officer, a note was scrawled on the inside of the pizza box lid. The note was a threat to the resident, Mayor Guy Soundguy, and was apparently written by the pizza delivery driver, also Mayor Guy Soundguy, who signed the note. The note read “Your day of deliverance has come, Soundguy.” It was signed “Your friend, Guy Soundguy, mayor and pizza delivery guy.” The officer ate the pizza. No charges were filed.