By A. Finn Moss | Filling in tonight for Max Fontaine

A forum involving three of the four candidates for Bass Lake mayor was held Tuesday at Bass Lake Inn-Convenience.

(The store).

Incumbent Delores Denominator was joined by challengers Forrest Bunkard and Enos Felger at the brief Q&A session, which lasted nearly two hours.

The other candidate, Guy Soundguy, did not attend, but prepared a written statement that was submitted through email by a member of Local Cover Band. His statement, in part, stated, “It is with regret that he cannot attend. Er … I meant ‘I’ cannot attend.”

Moderators for the forum were Jackson Frolic, senior editor of Bass Lake Beacon, and Buster “Hogback” Lake, chief DJ at The Radio Station.

The event opened with an interpretive reading of the Gettysburg Address, presented by Al Schwartz, esteemed Bass Lake poet laureate.

Each candidate was asked a question by a panel member and allowed a few minutes to respond. Then, the process was repeated with another query.

The panel consisted of community members, and questions came anonymously from other town residents, and the pool of questions was narrowed down from that.

Here are the highlights.

Q: What is your stance on the condition of Bass Lake’s sidewalk system?
Denominator: (Hadn’t arrived yet.)
Bunkard: Sidewalks? Where we’re going, we don’t need sidewalks.
Felger: Based on town charter, Section 15.3, amendment 1, “walkways and issues therein are addressed in Sections  7, 15.3 and 26.” There is no debate about this. But I plan to do whatever it takes to make it clear to the public.
Soundguy: N/R

Q: How and when are we gonna get our money back from that helicopter travesty?
Denominator: On advice of legal counsel, I must refuse to acknowledge that I’m even answering that question. Instead, I wish nothing but the best for our community, and plan to follow through in that regard. Thank you.
Bunkard: Remember the scene from the finale of “MASH” when they’re flying out of Korea at war’s end, and it pulls away and someone had spelled out “Goodbye” with rocks on the ground, prior to their departure? In the context of the Bass Lake situation, it would have spelled out “There were no survivors.” If we had made a movie about it, that’s what I would put forth. You know who’d be a good director for that? Richard Linklater. Or maybe better yet, if Werner Herzog got pushed into the ocean from an aircraft carrier, during a sitcom titled “Air Thrust,” which is the working title of my next novel.
Felger: [Snoring].
Soundguy: N/R

Q: What did you think of Bass Lake High’s football season this year?
Denominator: I prefer to opt-out on this one. But thank you for the question. That’s my answer.
Bunkard: When it comes to public policy, the success of our students levels the playing field for all of us … sorry, I was reading Delores’s crib-notes by accident. She has wonderful penmanship. Is that even a “relevant trait” anymore? Johnny Unitas should have lived in the 18th century. But we digress, do not we?
Felger: N/R (excused himself to use the restroom. This is allowed by Section G of the community public forum rules and obligations code.).
Soundguy: “I’ve seen worse.” (general personal manifesto).

At conclusion of the forum, several panel members went to Funky’s on the Bayou for adult beverages. Most traveled there in separate vehicles.