The BLAP heard ’round the lake

By Max Fontaine | Hard Nose Beat Reporter

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BLAP Chief McNabb’s “prowler.”

In the first of a string of bizarre requests coming from the head of the local police force, the Bass Lake Town Council agreed a while ago to change the name of Bass Lake Police Authority to Bass Lake Authority Police.

The reason for the change baffled some council members and left others absent from the meeting.

Council vice-president Carolyn Shee, who voted to deny the request,  initially called the name change “dumbfounding” but later amended that to just “dumb.”

“Chief McNabb has crossed yet another red line in the sand,” Shee said. “Who is going to pay to have all the lettering changed?”

The name-change request from BLAP Chief Gwen “Tug” McNabb came as the result of hours of spent drinking beer with a marketing firm hired by the chief back in March. McNabb said flipping the last two words will save the town “tens of dollars” over the next few decades.

“Saying ‘Bass Lake Police Authority, drop your squirt gun!’ just takes too much time,” McNabb said. “Whereas saying ‘BLAP! You’re under arrest!’ just flows. ”

Mayor-by-default Delores Denominator as usual sided with the chief. Mayor Denominator agreed to pay for the new decal on the town helicopter to show her support for the move.

“Acronyms are all the rage,” Denominator said. “My pledge to the town of Bass Lake is to keep it on the bleeding edge of rage.”

Council member Reggie Jones (I-Out-on-the-Highway) did not attend the meeting and had no comment. Council member Betty Crocker (no relation) was at the meeting and had this to say: “In time this switch to BLAP will be no more than a blip on the highway of progress that is sometimes riddled with obstructions and potholes waiting to be filled in. Would you like a cupcake?”

Members Enos Felger (D-Dave’s house) and M. Adam Bradbury (R-Bass Lake) voted to approve the measure.

McNabb said T-shirts emblazoned with the new name will be available at BLAP headquarters, as soon as emblazonment concludes.

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