By Jackson Frolic |Senior Editor

“Guy Soundguy, where are you? We have your key.”

Those were the words Mayor Delores C. Denominator used earlier today to express her dismay at the absence of Guy Soundguy from the ceremony celebrating his being named Resident of the Year 2014 by the Town and Community Appreciation Committee of Bass Lake.

The ever-elusive Soundguy, knob turner for Local Cover Band, Bass Lake’s most enduring cover band, was to receive the ceremonial Key to the Town from Mayor Denominator at today’s festivities.

But what some locals refer to as “The Soundguy Identity,” the ability to be nowhere at once, seems to have played out again. In this case Soundguy was not at several places he was supposed to be, but may have been at places he was not supposed to be.

Among the prizes Soundguy was to receive as RotY was a $45 gift certificate from Jolly’s Morgue and Donuts. He seems to have collected on that.

“I guess he was here,” said Jim “Jolly” Jimmerson, of Jolly’s Morgue and Donuts. “I stepped out back for a minute to check my cadaver freezer and when I came back there was a note from Guy on the counter. It said he took $43.50 out of the draw and two French crullers out of the case. I suppose we’re even.”

Other things Soundguy won include a choice spot in the parade lineup for Bass Lake Pre-Mid-Summer Festival Week Days and a Resident of the Year coffee mug, suitable for framing. The mug, like Soundguy, is also missing.

Local Cover Band lead singer Skippy Jenson said Soundguy’s absence is not unusual.

“He is directionally challenged,” Jenson said. “We let him drive the van only when we don’t have a gig. But I think his ailment is responsible for our unique sound. ”

By the end of the ceremony Mayor Denominator, who is visibly disturbed, was lashing out at her potential mayoral opponents claiming they had kidnapped Soundguy to make her look foolish.

“You won’t get away with this,” Denominator said. “I know where you live. Is this thing on?”