Barry Wessonsmith
59, Sub-Rural Township

Late last Friday, an angel came to greet Barry Wessonsmith for the sole purpose of transporting him to heaven, assuming it’s an actual “physical” destination.

At first, Wessonsmith, 59, refused, then decided it was “not the worst idea I ever heard,” according to a source close to the situation.

To summarize, he is officially dead.

Visitation and funeral services will take place within due time at the Waterland Deceasement Corporation’s cemetorium. The Irreverend Maggie Sandusky, arbitrator at Lakeside Agnostic Church, will officiate. Doris “Pete” Catsworth, 45, will serve as umpire.

Wessonsmith was born Jan. 14, 1955, and was reared in South Florida, Calif. Sometime in his early 20s, he fell asleep during an airplane flight and — moving ahead to further action during the same series of downs — wound up renting an apartment near Bass Lake.

On Nov. 4, 1982, he married his soulmate, Peggy. Her justification for marriage varied somewhat from his: Barry had a practical job at a stable industrial plant near Bass Lake.

That plant eventually closed.

This marriage ended in divorce.

Previous deaths in Wessonsmith’s inner-circle include his father, his mother, his father’s mother, his father’s father, his mother’s father, his mother’s mother and his and her grandparents and their parents.

Surviving are a prospective wife; a girl and her alleged fiance, Brent; two grandboys; and an antique cement mixer.

In lieu of flowers, send something else.