By Jackson Frolic | Beacon Editor and Reporter 

Bass Lake Elementary School has finally decided to resume offering free and reduced lunches to all students taking remedial summer classes. BLE kitchen staffers, who basically run the place, hammered out a deal with several parents of BLE summer students late Tuesday night and early into Wednesday morning when a break was called to find a new hammer.

The hammering began again in earnest Wednesday evening and continued until neighbors contacted police to put a stop to it.

At issue is the names of some of the food items served to the hungry, slow students. Entrees such as “Rhubarbra Streisand” and “Pork Chex” have been blamed for several mishaps and excessive “Googling” according to one parent.

“I’m fed up with these stupid food names and having to turn to the internet to find out what the hell my kid is eating on any given day,” said Steve Stroganoff. “I’m just thankful my kid can’t read.”

Reduced lunches, aka smaller portions, will be free for all students who show up for lunch during the summer session. Menus will be posted as usual, but BLE kitchen staffers promise to think up more palatable names for their concoctions.

“Nothing will change,” said kitchen manager Bethesda Mary-Lund. “Stroganoff should mind his own business and get his kid to school on time.”