Suddenly-historic Bass Lake building shockingly crumbles to the ground

From Multiple Beacon Staff Reports

A now-historic building, located near Outskirts Avenue, is now history.

A Bass Lake building that few people seemed to notice until it was no longer here is no longer there.

The 1.5-story structure near Outskirts Avenue fell in on itself without warning this week, inspiring a scramble to pinpoint the facility’s historic significance and define the community’s emotional attachment.

No one was injured in the collapse, except for a few mice, according to police.

Bass Lake officials appeared unprepared to explain how big of a deal it is.

“I think several businesses set up shop there, and it served as a home or two at some point, probably for hippies,” said town clerk-treasurer Olden A. Goodway. “I’m not sure of details. I’ll have to look into that.”

Mayor-by-Default Delores Denominator held a brief press conference Friday at the rubble-site.

“This moment puts the ‘bitter’ in ‘bittersweet,’” Denominator said, “and eliminates the ‘sweet’ part.”

Denominator’s brief briefing was followed by a poetry reading from Bass Lake poet laureate Al Schwartz. The poem appeared to summarize the occasion perfectly, despite having no connection to the situation.

Upwards of eight community members attended the mayor’s conference. Several admitted they took the building for granted until it became a non-upstanding citizen.

“Something was there all this time? No absolute way!” said 17-year-old Adam Jeffers-Clark, who arrived via skateboard.

One such attendee, occasional Bass Lake resident Peppy Schlitz, could do nothing more than shake his head — then he did something more by speaking.

“What a sad, sad day,” said  Schlitz, 45. “I mean, it was a sad day already, but the toppling-over made it twice as worse.”

Large trucks have been summoned to haul away the remains, at taxpayer expense. Arrangements for a private burial will be announced at a later date.

  • Beacon print edition exclusive: Bass Lake Architectural Integrity Board unavailable for comment, having disbanded in 1985. (Italics included for emphasis). 

Despite a generally vague grasp of the building’s prominence through the years, an independent probe by the Beacon investigative team reveals an intriguing past.

Editor’s note: Investigative team features Max Fontaine,
who worked off-the-clock because overtime was not approved.





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