By Max Fontaine | Investigatory underachiever

Bass Lake Authority Police Department is investigating a rash of mailbox-defacement reports in the general local area.

Homeowners began to notice defilements between late last month and sometime not long before mid-morning last Thursday or Friday.

Examples of the makeshift-graffiti include smiley-faces, peace signs, flowers and other disturbing images.

Some artwork is possibly gang-related, said police chief Tug McNabb.

“In my career, I’ve learned a few things. One is, when crime happens, it’s intentionally non-accidental almost all the time,” McNabb said. “Another is — everything else.”

Osgood Juan-Samuel, postmaster second-lieutenant at the Bass Lake branch of the Quad-County post office, said investigation into the matter has been launched.

“We’ll get right on it — as long as all the mail is delivered first,” Juan-Samuel said.

According to Michiana Postal Service, tampering with a mail depository is a federal offense, even if hijinks have a positive intention.

Most violations are punishable by law, experts have said.

Several Bass Lake-area residents expressed upsetness about the matter. Among them is 71-year-old retiree Arnold Eagran.

“What are these hippies gonna do next? Organize sit-ins? Burn brassieres and draft cards? Hold a free, three-day festival of peace, love and music, featuring some of the hottest rock ’n’ roll acts of the day? This has gotta stop.”

Another resident, 37, took the crime-spree more in-stride.

“Funnily enough, last week my wife told me our mailbox looks boring, compared to others in the neighborhood,” the 37-year-old resident said. “So the painting of a panda with a tulip in its mouth might improve that situation. Wish it matched our color scheme better, though.”

Others had no comment.