Bass Lake mayor reveals tournament bracket

By Slate Keely | Celebrity/Public Policy/Armchair-Athletics Reporter

A tournament highlight.

Tearing a page straight from  former U.S. president Barack Obama’s book — a book that doesn’t physically exist, literally — Bass Lake mayor Forrest Bunkard revealed his NCAA tournament bracket prediction, prior to Tuesday and Wednesday’s “First Four Out’ contest.

But the Beacon just learned about it, that’s why this report has not appeared until today.

Bunkard’s choice for national champion/net-scisscoring? The Clemson Tigers of Clemson.

The mayor’s projection shocked basketball fans in the near-area, mainly because the South Carolina-based university did not receive an invitation to the Big Dance and is now languishing in the NIT, an event few semi-avid fans realize continues to exist.

“I am well aware that projecting Clemson as champion is a radical pick,” Bunkard said. “But if you want to achieve separation in national tournament pools — and in life — you have to take risks (And) this is one of those times.”

Asked to clarify that statement, Bunkard elaborated.

“What if Bailey from ‘WKRP’ joined The Smashing Pumpkins as a tambourinist? Just because it seems impossible doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.”

In other news related to the subject, the mayor additionally baffled expertologists by picking Northwestern to advance to the Final Four, in the university’s first appearance in the tournament since, well, forever.

Bunkard stood steadfast in his decision.

“Northwestern is the ‘Northwestern’ of this years tourney field,” he said.

Bunkard’s next plan of action in Bass Lake is to make the archive room at city hall “fair and balanced.”

“Have you seen those storage tubs?” he asked, grimacing. “If we don’t address that issue, I’ll have to introduce a measure for ‘The Entanglement Clause.’ And, trust me, nobody wants to go there.”

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