BLAP announce new hires

By A. Finn Moss | On-call reporter

Police tape
Bass Lake Authority Police have announced new hires. (BLAP file photo)

An official with Bass Lake Authority Police has decided he needs help combating crime in the greater Bass Lake area, according to a statement released by the police chief.

“In order to keep the streets and lanes and parks and stuff safer for the children and old people of Bass Lake, we at Bass Lake Authority Police have taken it upon ourselves to seek out and interview and then hire two new patrol officers to help keep Bass Lake safe,” wrote chief Gwen “Tug” McNabb.

The additions bring the total number on the force to three. McNabb had apparently been the only BLAP member for some months, a fact that somehow eluded notice among town residents and administrators.

The names of the recruits have not been revealed.

One resident sensed that something may be going on with BLAP staffing but figured it really didn’t matter much.

“I seen Tug in Jolly’s place all the time eatin’ them Crullers he likes so much,” said house painter Jed Klimt. “He’d roll up on that bike of his and sit there all day drinkin’ coffee and talkin’ to Jolly and the boys, me included. He’d talk about this and that going on down to the station. We never paid him much mind. There ain’t much going on around here crime-wise.”

Klimt is right. According to a Beacon investigation of BLAP records, obtained by stealing them while chief McNabb was at Jolly’s, there were three crimes reported that led to actual arrests in recent years. All three accused were eventually released after promising not to do it again, according to the records.

The dispatch log revealed a number of food and smell-related complaints over the past 12 months, but nothing actually criminal.

There was an alleged murder in Bass Lake last year, but nobody, police included, wanted to talk about that.

Bass Lake clerk-treasurer Olden A. Goodway said he isn’t sure about the number of BLAP staff on the payroll.

“I’ll have to get back to you on that,” Goodway said.

Self-proclaimed mayor Carolyn Shee declined comment, citing a conflict of interest. Chief McNabb was unavailable for comment as there was a special on cream-filled long johns at Jolly’s.

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