BLAP Beat is taken from the Bass Lake Authority Police dispatch log.  Seriously. it is.

Dispatch received a call at 4:45 a.m Sunday from a concerned citizen regarding  an automobile swerving incompetently on Bass Lake Esplanade near the big  green house. A(n) officer was sent to investigate. The pedal patrolman was unable to locate the big green house. He said there was a blue house of moderate size and a bulky olive-hued house. Dispatch advised the officer that olive was a shade of green. Pedal officer then approached a vehicle parked in the median and approached the driver to confirm that olive fell within  the green category and if so, had the driver witnessed any erratic driving in the nearby vicinity. The driver said he had not seen anything all night. The patrol office inquired of the driver if he had been drinking. The driver denied any knowledge of the answer. No charges were filed.