By Jillian Fontaine | Sixth-and-a-half grade intern

In a stunning defeat for the Bass Lake Town Council opposition, a budget deal that calls for no changes to anything has been reached.

“By adopting the same budget as last year and getting the hell out of here at a decent hour, we have saved the taxpayers untold hundreds of dollars,” council vice-president Carolyn Shee said. “Anything else could be construed as criminal in nature.”

The budget includes a spending plan for the town based on a separate but equal collection of monies from town members in the form of taxes, bribes, protection payments and parking ticket receipts, and the names of several important people.

The vote came after nearly seven combined minutes of discussion and counter-discussion, pre-approval, post pre-approval, final approval preparation and a three-minute coffee break. In the end, Enos Felger (D – Dave’s house), Betty Crocker (no relation) and Shee triumphed over Reggie Jones (I – Out-on-the-Highway) who cast the only no vote.

M. Adam Bradbury (R – Bass Lake) abstained because, as a taxpayer, any action he takes on the council could be seen as a conflict of interest, he said.

Jones, the council’s only independent member, had proposed adding a one percent tax on chicken supplies,  ribbon cutting accessories and embalming fluid to offset costs connected to the ongoing Trout Lane sidewalk repair debacle now entering its third year.

“No one uses that sidewalk except Jennifer Sparkle, Cooper Sanderstoms and the occasional dead person leaving Jolly’s Morgue and Donut,” Jones said. “You know why? You can’t. Seriously. “

Felger indicated that he was thinking about “maybe wandering over there next week,” adding that he may not because the sidewalk is torn up. Crocker denied any knowledge of Trout Lane or its “alleged sidewalk,” while Bradbury recused himself from the discussion citing “Fifth Amendment provisions.”

 Sanderstroms and Sparkle both complained of the failure of the council to “repair and/or replace” the sidewalk during the airing of grievances portion of the meeting prior to the budget discussion.

“This has gone on long enough,” Sanderstroms said, echoed by Sparkle. “If you need to tax us, I don’t care. No one can get to our stores.”

Shee chided Jones for being a “tax-and-spend independent.”

“How do I respond to that?” Jones said, shaking his head.

In other action, the council approved the removal of public comment time from all future agendas. Again, Jones and Bradbury were the lone opponents/non-participants.

Mayor Guy Soundguy did not attend the meeting.