By Max Fontaine | Beacon squirrel beat
An area fox squirrel (Sciurus niger) is being sought by local authorities in connection with a rash of bird seed thefts.
The squirrel, described as a squirrel, has been seen clinging to area feeders filled with black oil sunflower seeds. The seeds, which are black, have been disappearing at an alarming rate, leaving birds and bird-lovers wondering just what the blazes is going on.
“They’re nothing but no-good thieves,” Bass Lake bird enthusiast Esther Titmouse said of the clever rodents. “I’ve tried everything short of blasting them with my shotgun, but the little bastards just keep coming back.”
Titmouse, 84, said she’s had 45 pounds of bird seed stolen in the past two weeks alone.
“I’ve got these so-called ‘squirrel-proof’ feeders, but apparently this squirrel can’t read,” she said.
Squirrels are well-known for their ability to defeat all manner of impediment to reach food meant for their feathered friends, as this video shows.
Biologists at Bass Lake University say little can be done to dissuade the furry nut gatherers.
“Squirrels are wily creatures,” said Dr. Rocky Atticus, PhD. “People should just get used them outsmarting us.”
Local animal control expert Ferd Trapper agrees. “Ain’t nothing you can do. I’ve killed ’em dead with poison and bear traps, but had the same one show up again the next day laughing at me. Literally laughing. But I like to think of it as job security.”
But for Titmouse and many other bird lovers around Bass Lake, squirrels are just pests.
“I don’t like it,” Titmouse said, “but I guess I’ll have to live with it. At least until I’m dead.”