Bone mystery solved

Max Fontaine * Hard Beat News or Hard News Beat

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Bones discovered in a pile of sticks and twigs have turned out to be bones from a local cow

The bones discovered during the annual Uptown stick and twig collection belonged to a local cow, according to forensic analysis.

Dr. Ulna  Femurski, Ph.D., GDTRFB, NRBQ, Bass Lake University’s Dean of Forensics, said the bones most likely came from a butcher shop. Bones of similar style and length are left over meat processing process and are generally frozen, with some meat and the marrow in place, and sold to pet owners.

“People buy them for their dogs,” Ulna said. “Some people use them in stew. They’re cow bones. Whoever brought them to my lab should have known this.”

Femurski’s statement late Wednesday afternoon brought to a swift conclusion the speculation that the bones had once supported several of Bass Lake’s oldest and most beloved citizens. Many residents were of the opinion that the bones came from a mass grave behind Jolly’s Morgue and Donuts. Jim “Jolly” Jimmerson dumped the dead of winter in a pit behind his business after a wind storm cut power to his morgue freezers. The deceased had been on ice awaiting the spring thaw.

But some in town continue believing the bodies were dug up by wild animals and spread willy-nilly around town, with some landing in Uptown. Clem Brickston, owner of Bass Lake Inn/Convenience Store, said he thought he recognized the tibia of  his long-time fishing buddy Cornwall “Spud” Buckminster.

“I saw the picture of those bones in the paper,” Brickston said. “One of them had a gouge in it that looked an awful lot like the one Spud got in his leg the time that prop chewed into him during the fishing tournament. A wound like that doesn’t just go away.”

Bass Lake Police Chief Tug McNabb is keeping the case open, whatever the case may be.

“I for one am not convinced it wasn’t some teenagers having some fun with the mess Jolly made,” McNabb said. “Desecration of a corpse is serious business.”

Femurski, however, is sticking by her report.

“Stop wasting my time,” she said.

 

 

 

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